Today I trundled along with my parcels off to the post office. It was with some foreboding - 7 packages, all weighing between 1 and 2kg and all being posted off to Knit-A-Square in South Africa. The queue was already long and I wasn't helping with my 3 bags of parcels!
The old lady in front of me happened to turn around and see my baggage!
"Ooh. You've got a lot to post. Are they heavy?" and she leans over to lift one of the bags to test the weight.
"Not really" I say smiling at the sweetness of her.
"What are you posting, then?" she asks, lifting the second bag.
"It's squares for charity. I'm a teacher and the kids at school all learnt how to knit and now I'm posting them off to Soweto in South Africa to be made into blankets for AIDS orphans."
"Oh, you are lovely. Who taught them to knit?"
"I did."
"You knit? My daughters-in-law haven't a clue how to."
"I do knit - a lot actually. And yes - it seems very few people knit now adays."
"I'm looking for something to do. I'm retired now. I'm 72. I could knit. What do I need to do?"
I told her, gave her the address to post them too and chatted some more - about poverty, about the importance of the fortunate to help the unfortunate, about growing up in a third world country. Her name is Ruth. She was born and grew up in India. She has such lovely memories of growing up there and many of our experiences were similar - despite a generation and hemisphere gap.
We were both called to the next counter. When she was finished she walked passed me and said
"It's lovely that there are still angels in the world like you. I shall get home and get knitting."
I smiled and thanked her. And said that it was lovely to meet her. And she left on her way to knit.
It was lovely to meet her. I really enjoyed our chat and I wanted to know more about her childhood, her life.
I should have invited her for tea... but instead I smiled as she waved at me and walked out the door.
There be angels around us every day.
Monday, 26 July 2010
Thursday, 22 July 2010
remembering and thinking
My mother in law passed away when my husband and I had only been married for 8 months. Almost 3 years ago. Today I started sorting her photos, kept letters and diaries into better piles so we could put them in albums.
I miss her but I hardly knew her. She was devastated when my husband told her he was going to marry me - not necessarily because of me but because I dont think anyone could have been good enough for him. She cried through the wedding and afterwards kept crying and asking me look after him. It made me really sad. I know she was very attached to Austin - more so than her two older kids, and I know that they had been through a lot together but I wanted to be friends with her.
I looked at how my amazing, loving family scooped Austin up and loved him unconditionally, how they unquestioningly looked after him for 3 months while he wrote his thesis (and played with puppies!) My brother sees him as an older sibling and my extended family wrapped them in their love and within no time at all it was as if he'd always been there as a part of us.
But I wasn't going to be a part of his family. I wished she could smile and be happy for him. I wished she could love me. I wished she saw me as the person I am rather than the person taking her son away. I desperately wanted to be part of her life too.
During our honeymoon she collapsed and was taken to hospital to have her right kidney removed due to a massive tumour. We organised for her to go to a fantastic recovery home which had really good reviews. Only they treated her horribly. The day after she moved in the nurse complained to me that she kept asking for pain meds and she was only allowed them twice a day. The nurse was quite put out when I got cross - I knew she was in a great deal of pain - who wouldn't have been!? The next time we went to visit her, her arms and sides were covered with dark bruises from when they'd roughly given her a sponge bath. We complained, and then noticed that her hand cream, body lotion and face cloth were gone. Noone knew what had happened to them. The next day when we arrived, her face was swollen, she was tired and her lips and fingernails were blue. We called an emergency doctor who said she'd had a heart attack, he suspected the evening before. The nurses had ignored her pleas for help. We moved her out an hour later to a place which looked after her so well and she really began to recover.
But she never quite got there. She hardly ate and didn't put on weight. She was lonely and unhappy but wouldn't move to another care home closer to family. We wrote to her and sent her gifts from across the world but she didn't get better. Eventually Austin got the call to come home. For the next month he single-handedly nursed her as she got weaker and weaker. I was stuck at work - not being allowed time off can you believe! One day Austin phoned and said that one of her friends thought she was hanging on so she could talk to me so Austin held the phone to her ear and I talked to her. I told her I loved her, that I wished that I was there with her and that I would love Austin forever so she didn't have to worry about him at all! But by then she was too weak to talk and in her attempts to say something to me became frantic and desperate. I wish I'd told her that I'd understood - even though I didn't.
Two days later she passed away quietly while my husband held her hand.
I miss her. But I think that it's not really her I miss. I miss the potential of her. I miss not having had a good relationship with her. I miss never having the chance to have tea with her and chat about nothing in particular. I miss the fact that I will never have any parents in law. And I miss her even more when I see Austin's pain at the loss of her and I wish beyond anything else that I could make it better.
I miss her but I hardly knew her. She was devastated when my husband told her he was going to marry me - not necessarily because of me but because I dont think anyone could have been good enough for him. She cried through the wedding and afterwards kept crying and asking me look after him. It made me really sad. I know she was very attached to Austin - more so than her two older kids, and I know that they had been through a lot together but I wanted to be friends with her.
I looked at how my amazing, loving family scooped Austin up and loved him unconditionally, how they unquestioningly looked after him for 3 months while he wrote his thesis (and played with puppies!) My brother sees him as an older sibling and my extended family wrapped them in their love and within no time at all it was as if he'd always been there as a part of us.
But I wasn't going to be a part of his family. I wished she could smile and be happy for him. I wished she could love me. I wished she saw me as the person I am rather than the person taking her son away. I desperately wanted to be part of her life too.
During our honeymoon she collapsed and was taken to hospital to have her right kidney removed due to a massive tumour. We organised for her to go to a fantastic recovery home which had really good reviews. Only they treated her horribly. The day after she moved in the nurse complained to me that she kept asking for pain meds and she was only allowed them twice a day. The nurse was quite put out when I got cross - I knew she was in a great deal of pain - who wouldn't have been!? The next time we went to visit her, her arms and sides were covered with dark bruises from when they'd roughly given her a sponge bath. We complained, and then noticed that her hand cream, body lotion and face cloth were gone. Noone knew what had happened to them. The next day when we arrived, her face was swollen, she was tired and her lips and fingernails were blue. We called an emergency doctor who said she'd had a heart attack, he suspected the evening before. The nurses had ignored her pleas for help. We moved her out an hour later to a place which looked after her so well and she really began to recover.
But she never quite got there. She hardly ate and didn't put on weight. She was lonely and unhappy but wouldn't move to another care home closer to family. We wrote to her and sent her gifts from across the world but she didn't get better. Eventually Austin got the call to come home. For the next month he single-handedly nursed her as she got weaker and weaker. I was stuck at work - not being allowed time off can you believe! One day Austin phoned and said that one of her friends thought she was hanging on so she could talk to me so Austin held the phone to her ear and I talked to her. I told her I loved her, that I wished that I was there with her and that I would love Austin forever so she didn't have to worry about him at all! But by then she was too weak to talk and in her attempts to say something to me became frantic and desperate. I wish I'd told her that I'd understood - even though I didn't.
Two days later she passed away quietly while my husband held her hand.
I miss her. But I think that it's not really her I miss. I miss the potential of her. I miss not having had a good relationship with her. I miss never having the chance to have tea with her and chat about nothing in particular. I miss the fact that I will never have any parents in law. And I miss her even more when I see Austin's pain at the loss of her and I wish beyond anything else that I could make it better.
Saturday, 3 July 2010
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Elephant Parade (Part 1)
all through London at the moment is an Elephant Parade which I've been dying to see since I heard about it. Through London are 258 elephants, all decorated by various artists and celebs, to bring the plight of the Asian elephant in to the public eye.
I went out on a mission and dragged my husband and two friends with me. The men were fabulously patient for a while and then left to have a drink at a nearby pub. The other friend and I headed out across Green Park, braving the few minutes of drizzle, and I have now seen 26 ellies. I fully intend to see as many as I can (perhaps not the one in Brixton for instance).
I love it. I love the cleverness of the scheme. Everyone is talking about it - the word is out.
so here are the first few ellies. ....
I went out on a mission and dragged my husband and two friends with me. The men were fabulously patient for a while and then left to have a drink at a nearby pub. The other friend and I headed out across Green Park, braving the few minutes of drizzle, and I have now seen 26 ellies. I fully intend to see as many as I can (perhaps not the one in Brixton for instance).
I love it. I love the cleverness of the scheme. Everyone is talking about it - the word is out.
so here are the first few ellies. ....
Friday, 4 June 2010
on creativity
some people are just amazing.
someone I went to school with is now living in the Land of Oz, and has started her own clothing /design amazing company. it's personalised clothing for kids - with letters and pictures linked to the phonetic sounds of each letter. now she's branched into quilts, cushion covers.... i'm amazed. Not only does she hand make it all but she's even designed the fabrics herself.
and with all this busyness and travelling and sewing and printing .... she still manages to be an awesome mum with a happy, smily little boy.
How do you do it???
check it out.... Mm is for me
someone I went to school with is now living in the Land of Oz, and has started her own clothing /design amazing company. it's personalised clothing for kids - with letters and pictures linked to the phonetic sounds of each letter. now she's branched into quilts, cushion covers.... i'm amazed. Not only does she hand make it all but she's even designed the fabrics herself.
and with all this busyness and travelling and sewing and printing .... she still manages to be an awesome mum with a happy, smily little boy.
How do you do it???
check it out.... Mm is for me
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
uh-oh
so after having a sweet chatty conversation with a friend of mine's 15 year old it came out that she really covets the blankie I made before. She pointed out that she's never actually had a blanket and all her special things had to be sorted through when they moved here (from Zim, as did I) and most had to be left behind. I became weary - but am also aware how much she and her sister are finding life hard here, how they are viewed as just too different to form easy friendships.
and then I found myself offering to make a blankie for each of them. The 15 year old was suitably quiet for a few secs and said "would you really?" followed closely by "it will be loved forever."
so there it is...another 2 blankets although i have already said that they will not be as big as the last one, and that they will not be with them any time soon. and they both squealed and thanked me.
one wants hers in black, white and pink with hearts but nothing too complicated.
the other asked for a mix-and-match of all my left over colours and just plain squares with maybe a heart in each corner.
some people are so easy to do things for. And these two girls have come from a place where they were popular, loved for their vitality and charisma. They grew up in sun, with space. Their parents worked good jobs and they had the stuff they needed and more. And they made the decision to move here to the UK so that the girls could go to university and could have all the opportunities they deserved. I agree with their decision and as much as I talk about heading back - I don't have children and so don't need to worry about their futures. And now the girls are viewed as different and, for the most part, shunned socially. The parts of them that made them interesting and fun at home, make them isolated here.
and despite being teenagers, with all the hormone imbalances that brings, they are both calm and sparkly and have beautiful souls. They're finding it hard but they will be perfect, inspirational, vivacious, talented adults.
but for now, i get to make them blankets to make them feel that little bit more special.
have I just talked myself into another huge project?
and then I found myself offering to make a blankie for each of them. The 15 year old was suitably quiet for a few secs and said "would you really?" followed closely by "it will be loved forever."
so there it is...another 2 blankets although i have already said that they will not be as big as the last one, and that they will not be with them any time soon. and they both squealed and thanked me.
one wants hers in black, white and pink with hearts but nothing too complicated.
the other asked for a mix-and-match of all my left over colours and just plain squares with maybe a heart in each corner.
some people are so easy to do things for. And these two girls have come from a place where they were popular, loved for their vitality and charisma. They grew up in sun, with space. Their parents worked good jobs and they had the stuff they needed and more. And they made the decision to move here to the UK so that the girls could go to university and could have all the opportunities they deserved. I agree with their decision and as much as I talk about heading back - I don't have children and so don't need to worry about their futures. And now the girls are viewed as different and, for the most part, shunned socially. The parts of them that made them interesting and fun at home, make them isolated here.
and despite being teenagers, with all the hormone imbalances that brings, they are both calm and sparkly and have beautiful souls. They're finding it hard but they will be perfect, inspirational, vivacious, talented adults.
but for now, i get to make them blankets to make them feel that little bit more special.
have I just talked myself into another huge project?
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