musings from the London Tube

Tightly packed tube trains, personal space abandoned in the expectation of an earlier arrival, vomited onto the platform, stumbling over bags, feet, pushing through the over-eager rushing to find their places on the train, churned like butter with the crowds, down uneven helix staircases, along narrow corridors, stepping over buskers and their empty hopeful-hats, thrust up packed escalators .... and onto the next crowded platform.

home again home again

this April my awesome husband organised a holiday home. Some time in Jhb to see friends and my brother, some time in St Lucia reliving part of our honeymoon, and 2 weeks in Zim with my family. It was an incredibly relaxing holiday. I loved being there with him as we both chilled out and became more normal people. I loved how we fitted right back into that way of life, barely noticing the powercuts, watching sunsets and recognising bird calls while having tea in the garden.

about people

travelling on the tube today after work I thought about the people I know, people who brush past and leave a fleeting glimpse of themselves as I remain standing. The ladies at the estate agents who greet me as friends (ignoring the fact that we've been registered with them for a while), the guy at the tube station who smiles every time I pass, the cleaners at the school who all pop in for a brief chat as I'm wading through marking, the ladies in the office with their hilarious commentary as the day unfurls, the woman I work with who makes me tea and laughs at my jokes (ignoring vacant stares from the kids), the woman I work for who has just one of the kindest and softest souls, the little year 1s at school who seem to forget themselves as they explore my classroom while I'm teaching...

my friend who smiles and laughs and jokes and randomly phones in the middle of the week to persuade me to join her for sushi in London, who makes me feel special and not quite as insane as I thought......

and my husband who snuggles me when I need it, who manages to reposition me without waking me up when I fall asleep across the bed, who pours me wine, laughs with (and at!) me, who is my hero.

so while I think about how lonely I am away from family and my home I am stilll surrounded by some really lovely people. I need to remember this more often.
x

loong time

it's been a while. there is a lot to write and a lot to come to terms with.
and pics to post of my latest knits,  and all kinds of wonderful things that have happened. I have too many ideas for the development of this blog. it may be a problem.

I'll deal with it by making a delicious salad for lunch.

...

loving this blog

my friend

When I went to university there were only a small handful of us (okay 6 of us) who were on the same bursary scheme and so when I started off in a new country, feeling very alone and scared, I was so relieved to find that two of them were in the same English and Linguistics lectures and one of those two was in Geography with me as well.
That was Bruce. Almost immediately we became such good friends. We drank coffee in eachothers rooms, shared precious biscuits that mums had made and put in our luggage when we left after every vac. We worked together, spent ages discussing everything. In short he became the best friend I'd ever had, the older brother. I felt loved, protected, supported.
What no-one seemed to get is that we really were just friends. Everyone seemed to think there was more to it - secret shags at least! His girlfriend and my boyfriend were Not Impressed and it caused many a problem!

Years later we both left Zim. He and his wife (the girlfriend from before!) and gorgeous kids live in Doha - which isn't very far away but feels like a universe apart. We chat online.

I miss him. I miss him so much. I miss the banter, the gentle shoves, the teasing. I miss the fact that he used to make tea just exactly how I like it, without asking, and never making any for himself. I miss the hugs.

Now he's in South Africa with his family, on holiday. He's staying in a place where we'll be passing through in a blink, at the same time! We'll be going to see some favourite godparents - real angels. And we probably can't stop because there is so much banked on when we arrive and leave....

I miss my friend. I think my soul is crying.

Shantaram

For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. Feel. Add our little consequences to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for a truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on.