dead. tired.

So everyone says you feel tired with pregnancy. Fine. 

What they don't say is that you know those days where you've been crazy busy all day, when you've run everywhere and done everything and at the end of the day you're bone tired ready for bed? Well, when you're pregnant that's how you feel when you START your day, so by the end of it you can't see how you can even get up enough energy to eat supper, let alone make it, or hang up the laundry or, let's face it, get upstairs to bed. 

Everyone says that your energy comes back in the second trimester. What they left out is the word "hopefully". Nearly half way through and I ain't seen none of that energy dat been promised me! 

and I still need to make 30 rat costumes this evening for our school play, make dinner, hang up laundry, mark a set of maths books.... 

They also didn't explain that when you're as tired as this, you tend to cry. I hate crying. This isn't a good evening. 

little Sprite

So here he is nearly double the size two weeks later. He kept playing hard to get, flipping over and showing us his back before we could get any photos or measurements. Hilarious little guy.
These pics are little funny looking - partly coz he wouldn't stay still for long enough, and partly coz the only ones we could get where when other things were being checked - his nasal cavity and his jaw bones. but those are his feet straight up in the air (?) on the right.

on to new things....

So quietly, secretly, I've had to stop drinking my little glass of wine with dinner.
Quietly, secretly, I've had to start moving the buttons on my jeans for a... comfier fit.
Quietly, secretly, I've been having to sleep a whole lot more than I used to, have had to buy new bras a size bigger, have developed odd feelings about food.......

Because quietly, secretly there is a Sprite growing inside me - sometimes known as The Alien when I feel like I might die.

And I'm dying for everyone to know, but also we've been really enjoying having the little secret to ourselves. So I can safely write it here because, let's be honest, I reckon I'm the only one that reads these ramblings. and so I can feel like I've told someone, but at the same time, it's still a delicious little secret....

Here he is at 10 and a half weeks.

And tomorrow we get to see him again - 13 weeks old.

Delicious, quiet little secret.

gratitude

So this week I was teaching the class how to write a proper formal letter and of course the comparison came up between letters and emails. They asked what the point was when we are frankly moving towards a situation where technology is taking over from the written word.
I told them about a TED talk that I'd seen about a young woman battling depression in New York. She started writing letters and leaving them for strangers to pick up and as the concept grew people fell in love with her idea. She let it be known that if anyone wanted a letter, she would write it. She's started her own company writing letters, encouraging people to seize opportunities, take the first step towards dreams, to step away from abuse and misery and make a positive life. And people started writing back telling her of how her letters had changed their lives. Little anonymous letters of love were sent out into the world and made such a positive difference.
The next day Lara, a very dyslexic pupil, came in with three envelopes with "to a lovely person" written on the front. I mention her dyslexia only because I know that for her to do this would have taken hours. It would have taken so much effort to get it all right and because I know she is a perfectionist I know she looked up almost every word in her personal dictionary to make sure it was spelt properly. She asked if she could go and hide them around the school.
Later I was chatting to another teacher in the library and she spotted a little envelope sticking out from between the books. I told her to open it and we read what Lara had written inside:

To a lovely person,
You are great. There is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it.
 Be brave. 
Love from ?

It brought tears to the teacher's eyes, a woman who has been battling to come to terms with the death of her sister. A while later she came into my class to thank the anonymous person who made her smile and feel better about herself.

The next day there were more letters, from Lara and from a couple of other girls. They were hidden round the school and we watched and waited. Half way through our maths lesson, struggling with Improper Fractions, in comes one of my dearest friends - a teacher in the SEN department who is so loved by the girls. She was nearly crying.
"I have to share this with you," she said. "I found something and I don't know who it's from but I've been feeling so down and low and this letter.... I have to share it!"
She didn't have any idea it was from my class as she not been present the day before when we were discussing it in the staff room. It had touched her so much that she had to tell me about it.

Dear person,
You are beautiful! You are kind and strong. Don't let people tell you what to do. Follow you heart and your dreams and believe in yourself.
From
Your friend

Later in the playground a Year 2 pupil brought an envelope to me.
"I found this."
"well," I said, "it says it's for a lovely person. It must be for you, Cailtin."
She smiled. "If I open it can you read it to me?"
I read it to her and watched her face. Her smile was enormous. She asked if she could keep it, carefully folded it and put it in her pocket. I watched her walk away, her hand on her pocket and later I saw her sitting under the slide reading it to herself again.

The letters have touched staff and pupils alike. My class talk about writing more, giving more love to people we may never meet on trains and in the public swimming pool, the grocery shops, petrol stations....

My class may be chatty and scatty. They may never be brain surgeons or CEOs. In fact I worry about their academic tests into the nearby high schools next year. But man, those girls are the most creative, most giving children I've had the pleasure to teach. And I am so grateful that they remind me how beautiful the world is.

finally ... I think.

today...

Kid 1: um.... Mrs P?
Me: Yes, Kid 1?
Kid 1: how come you know everything?
What I actually said: No-one knows everything, Kid 1.
(What I thought: mwahahahahahahah - finally someone recognises that I am a supreme being!)
Kid 1: You know more than me.
Me: Well I am older than you so I've learnt more stuff.
Kid 1: Yeah, that's true. Much older.

aaaaand down to earth with a thump!

catch-up and plans...

It has been sooo long! I keep having ideas about changing the type of blog this is - changing the posts I write. Oh so many plans!

We did eventually find the perfect flat to buy. It was such a great find (we had wonderful estate agents who phoned us when we were on holiday in Zimbabwe in April!) and we love it. We've lived here for 3 months and it's still developing but it's ours and as far as we're concerned it's perfect. I'll post photos when we're all done making it extra beautiful!

And school continues to be a pain. It's such a weird place to be mentally. I LOVE teaching, I love the kids I teach (same class as last year - who make me laugh and frustrated every day! - not that they see the frustration...all the time....), I love the people I work with. I am just tired, sick to death, of being, essentially, bullied by our headmistress. Initially I thought it was just me being over sensitive, which I know I am prone to do, but most of the other staff have commented on it. Some are braver than me and actually stick up for me in staff meetings. I'm not the only unhappy one. Our wonderful Superman Caretaker has finally had enough too - handed in his resignation and decided he couldn't even serve out his notice and left. It's amazing how much being bullied dents your opinion of yourself. I find I have turned from being a creative, spontaneous teacher to questioning a lot of what I used to do naturally. Now I've moved classrooms and am in the room in the attic, which is an extra flight of stairs if She wants to come and find me - which She is doing less now. Especially after I casually, and sweetly, commented on her being rather puffed when she came into my room....
It reiterates over and over again why teachers should NEVER have favourites, and why bullying is such an awful thing.

but onwards -
it's been half term and wow do I love half term. It's exactly what I need after a crazy busy, stressful start to the year. The academic pushing I need to do with my kiddies is huge - seeing as in 8-10 months they'll all be writing entrance exams to their high schools. It's hard work - even more so as these little ones are not hugely academic. They love working - yes really- and they love it when I tell them they've done so well but it's exhausting for them (and me!)
Half term always goes the same way:
I promise myself I'll work hard and get all my planning done, reports written, displays designed and prepared..... and only after that will I read, sew, knit etc.
Instead... I sleep for 2 days, then read for 2 days, then work a bit, feel guilty that I didn't start earlier..... etc.
This year, though, I feel no guilt at all. None!
I've slept, read 2 of the next books of the Game of Thrones (love!), made curtains for the flat, done a spring clean, taken the old lady across the hall for an afternoon tea, started making my first quilt, almost finished crocheting a baby blanket for a friend who is due to pop in 3 weeks, done some baking that actually worked (!!!), made some delicious soups for the freezer for when things get colder, spent waaaay too much time on Pinterest and drawn up plans for a tote bag I want to make myself, a scarf I want to knit myself and 2 more baby blankets for soon to be born nephews (I love my nephews. 2 little ones so far and 2 on the way. Lucky lucky me!), and planned something sweet for my beautiful niece for Christmas. Also booked the car in for a service tomorrow.
wow - I've actually been quite efficient.
and to top things off, today I started writing my reports. And I've had an awesome idea for a Writing display in my classroom. Genius!

And wow am I looking forward to Christmas. Already.

April....

Yay - I love April. I love the warm in the UK, the cool and the end of the rains in Zimbabwe.
I love the spring here - flowers, new green leaves, longer evenings.
And I love the promise of cool evenings after a hot day in Zimbabwe. I love the sun coming up a fraction later so I wake to the sound of birds in the garden.

April. *contented sigh*
and this year I get to experience it in both places thanks to A.

http://chutney-lid.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/april.html