three years ago (part1)

three years ago today...
the day before....
there was much hype. The chapel had been decked out beautifully with the most amazing flowers, the order of services all complete and ready. The pavillion was almost complete - the tables in the right place, the fairy lights strung up at the entrance and in the tree outside, all the menus ready with the place settings, glasses, table cloths, candles all waiting for the start of the new day.

My husband-to-be was with his family and friends in the hostel - having drinks, chats, playing music and catching up.

I was at home, snuggled in the power-cut dark with my mum, aunt, my beautiful bridesmaid and my mum-in-law. The candle light made everything feel even more surreal. Dad had made himself scarce - begging a headache. And then my cousin, my bridesmaid, gave me a book. She'd bought an amazing book made from hand made paper, and had filled it with letters to me from all the important women in my life. I read it quietly and then cried at the beauty of it all, the wisdom.
My mum's was the first letter... so amazing.
Thank you for You. You have filled our lives in ways we could never have imagined 27 years ago and I love you beyond words.
This is a life changing moment in your life. Step into it with the confidence of knowing that you have made the right decision. Nuture it with patience,. care and understanding. Keep it bouyant with enthusiasm, resilience and excitement and temper everything you do with love. 
Enjoy your journey with Austin. Get strength from your roots but grow and reach for the stars.
love you
 - mum.

I don't know how many times I've read this but I still am amazed at the awesomeness of my mum.

Other people filled in plenty of great notes:
"What an adventure you're about to embark on! Full of love, life, laughter, tears, memories, hopes, frustrations, perseverence and everyting that makes life fulfilling...."
"There is no doubt in my mind that your open heart and absolute kindness and ability to learn from anyone and anything will make this work. You are a powerful woman in a quiet and solid way - a way that will help you always find a beautiful place to place your feet and stand tall. Austin is one of those places and he is a beautiful gem that we welcome into our family and our hearts..."
" Write all your important dates on a calendar and hang it near the loo - so much easier than getting over your anger if he forgets...."
and a passage from my mum-in-law...
"In your married life you will have ups and downs. Life does consist of both rain and sunshine. But you and Austin stand together as Us and We  and am sure that everything will be fine."

I felt amazingly lucky. I still do. It was a beautiful evening. 

April

I love April. I love the feeling of anticipation, the promise of something more...

At home, in the southern hemisphere, it was just starting to get nippy in the evening and early morning. The sun was rising just a tiny bit later so we'd hear the morning chirps of the heuglins, the louries, the toppies - in our half-waking. The days would still be baking hot and we'd look forward to the cooler evenings. April at home promised holidays, of evenings round the fire in the weeks to come. It promised cooler weather, mists in the morning, the crunch of frost on the grass first thing before the sun hit the lawn.

Now, here, it's the promise of spring, the anticipation of warmer weather just round the corner. The birds are back and making themselves heard. The trees are covered with buds - leaves, blossom. Daffs, blue bells, crocuses seem to appear in the most unlikely of places, .... Everything seems to come alive again. Splashes of colour emerge in no time at all, as if the flowers are afraid of missing the chance to grow in the sunshine.

I know that as we move round, find new countries in which to live and explore, meet new people, find new jobs, new homes, I shall feel unsettled for a while - for I doubt we'll be moving back home.
But perhaps, I shall always have April.

Clickty-Clack

So I knit.
I love it. I love the silent contemplation, the time I can spend thinking about me, about my plans. I plot, scheme, day dream, conversate with my other consciouses.
I love the deliberations at the start of the project. What shall I knit, what wool, what colour?
I love inventing my own projects - ideas not entirely thought out before I start.
I love the moment when, with a contented sigh, I extend the project at arms length and think "damn, I'm good".

I am, at the moment, in mid project: one started when I discovered that a good friend of mine is pregnant.
"Oooh." I murmered (after all the usual congratulatory squeals etc), "I shall knit you a baby something-or-other. I shall knit you something gorgeous and totally un-granny-like."
and so I started The Project. A baby blanket. It's in cream, light green and dark green. At the end of each section i extend it at arms length and think "damn, I'm good."
only...
only. Only it's taking so long! And I'm clearly better with smaller, quicker projects. This baby blanket has become a blanket that will be 135cm square. And while some parts of it are easy, quick and effective, there are other sections that seem to take an eternity to knit. I have discovered a real dislike for cable stitch. And for the pattern where I have to have 7 different strands of wool out the back which constantly get tangled and twisted so that every 2 lines, regardless of how careful I am, I end up sitting with it spread out infront of me while I detangle.
And as of today - I'm only just half way through the knitting. After that comes the sewing up the strips. And then crocheting the dark green border.
It will be worth it.
It will be lovely to watch her unwrap it from the box (already bought) and green and white tissue paper. (already bought).
It will be lovely to think that it will be used, and loved and cuddled up in.

so I'll keep going but I am already thinking about my next project.

The animal person

“You’ve got fish?”

“yup”

“what on earth are you going to do with two stupid goldfish?”

“I don’t know”

“So why do you have them?”

“some girl in res was going to flush them down the loo”

“oh god, so you saved them. I suppose you’ve named them too.”

“yup.”

“don’t tell me – Tom and Jerry, Mickey and Mini?”

“Freud and Jung”

There was much laughter from the table behind them. They were having coffee at the new shop down the road from Ashleigh’s university res. Kate looked back and tried not to appear too puzzled.

“Freud and Jung? That’s not your usual style. Explain?”

“Freud has serious issues and swims at the bottom of the tank whenever anyone new comes near the bowl. And Jung spends his whole time racing round in tight circles so I’m sure he, she, it has serious problems too.”

“Ah.”

Ashleigh glanced at her watch, “Oooh gotta go. I have to get back to res before the warden gets back or I’m in shyte again.”

She stood up and picked up a huge black togbag.

“Ash, what have you got there?”

“My hamster. Maximillion the Holy Hamster Emperor. That’s why I’ve got to rush. If I get spotted with another animal there’ll be hell to pay.”

Kate groaned and fished in her bag for some money for the bill. “You’re a nut Ash. Just wait I’ll come with you and help. Better meet the issue-filled fish anyway”