argh!

Today I had one of those really sad moments. I realised that  my friend at work will be leaving. I've known it for ages - I knew when she was thinking of leaving and finding another job. But then she applied for a job, and got it (as she should have!) and it's been exciting and fun chatting about all the new possibilities, about her new future. It's an exciting, brilliant future for her and I'm thrilled. I have been the whole time...

Until today. Today at break time I walked into the staff room and her knitting (yes, she knits too) was already on the table. I sauntered through to the corner where the tea stuff is kept and she'd already set up our two mugs with teabags and the kettle was boiling. She'd gone back to get something from her classroom and I finished the tea, found the biscuits we like and settled down in my chair with my knitting... and she took longer than I'd expected. And I realised in that moment that she's leaving. Really leaving. And as fabulous and wonderful and brilliant as it is for her... it's incredibly sad for me.

we have an easy friendship - one where we can gossip about things, plot and plan stuff that needs to happen at school and talk about husbands, friends, books we write..... but we can also criticise each other and that is something I really value. We can be honest, nicely, and work with each other, and discuss things, and talk things out. I really appreciate hearing an honest opinion about what I've done. When I'm overly upset she sets me straight, and the same the other way round. It means that when she says "I think you did the right thing" or "I'm right behind you in that" I know that I can trust that completely. Because if she ever isn't she tells me so and explains why. And I do the same for her. We seem to talk every moment were together - from the moment we meet on the train to the moment I get off it at home-time.

but then today I realised,  really and truely realised, that she's going. And my walks to school and trips on the train will be alone. And at breaktime I'll be with the other teachers - who are all lovely but who all have children my age! I'll be surrounded by people who smile and say "that's lovely" when actually they're thinking the opposite.

and added to that is the realisation that she and I, between us, run all the after school clubs for the older kids, we're the ones who changed the way things were being run and gave the upper school a bit of a jump start. I started campings on the field, she started the veggie garden. I started a craft club and she started a computer club. .... and now, next term, it will be just me.

and so I'm crazy excited for her, but miserable for me.